I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.