All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

You scoundrel, you have wronged me," hissed the philosopher, "May you live forever!

Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.

When you doubt, abstain.

To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.